Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Having a random hookup so left but love u
operation have a gay friend backfired
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
