Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
