At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
