I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
