I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
