i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
