i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
