You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
