Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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