You smell like stripper and shame
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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