I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
