I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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