ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
