I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
