I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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