don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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