I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They took my balls.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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