I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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