She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
