Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
