You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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