So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
