if you like me you must not know who I am
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
