your parents love me but you hate me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
