? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
this is an emotional support booty call
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
