I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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