There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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