walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
