Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
