with your own penis?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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