I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
