His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
