My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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