Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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