Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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