Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
