Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
