A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
