His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
