dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
