I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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