She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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