Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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