they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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