So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
