my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Rumble strips road head = magical
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
