Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
