This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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