Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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