Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this just has baby written all over it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
