Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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