they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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