I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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