Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
then he tried to convert me to islam
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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