like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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